Teacher to Sardar: “Name any five animals that live in water!”

Sardar: “Frog”

Teacher: “Very good, now the remaining four…”

Sardar: “Oye jii! Frog di maa, pio, pehn tay pra!”

“Cash, check or charge?” I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
So, do you always carry your TV remote?” I asked.
No,” she replied, “but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.”

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”

OH NO! the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, How many is a brazillion?”

An old man and his young wife were getting divorce at a local court. But the custody of children posed a problem. The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The old man also wanted the custody of his children. The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the old man slowly rose from his chair and replied, “Judge, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or the machine?”

At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word “KISS” scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much.” speaker replied,
“You don’t know my wife. The letters stand for “Keep It Short, Stupid.”

A doctor and a sardar love the same girl. The sardar gives the girl an apple to eat everyday.

Once asked why the sardar gives her an apple, the sardar replied: “AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY!”

Do Pathan tree par beth kar gana gaa rahe thay, achanak eik pathan ulta latak kar gana shru hogaya!

Dosra pathan bolo: “Oye ulta latak kar kyu gaa rahey hoo?”

Pehla bola: “Mein ’side B’ gaa raha hun!!”

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.

The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”

Then a third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dog,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

Jon is working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.”

Jon says, “I haven’t got the fingers.”

The doctor says, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? It’s 2000. We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”

Jon says, “Well, Doc, I couldn’t pick ‘em up.”

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”