I have been a firefighter for a little over a year now. A couple of months ago, while I was still very new at the station, we got a call for a house fire.

When we got there, we didn’t know if the house was empty or not, so we went inside. The first thing we always do is check for kid’s shoes. If we find any, we start looking for kids in the house.

To my horror, there were two small pairs of sneakers right by the front door. It was my first call involving kids possibly stuck in a burning house. I was deeply disturbed and I wanted to do everything I could to find them.

The smoke was very thick and with all my gear on, I could hardly hear any sounds coming from the house. I went upstairs and found a kid’s room.

Since I couldn’t see anything, I started to feel the inside of the bed. Suddenly, my hand fell on something that was shaking. I yelled “I found a kid!”

I was very excited and very proud, until I took the “kid” rush out of the house and realized that it the kids in my arms is, a “Tickle Me Elmo” dolls.

Needless to say I am still teased about that. I will probably be teased about that forever, especially when I’ll have to explain where that new nickname “Elmo” comes from!

It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride to the phone.

Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t have time to get dressed.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled,”SURPRISE!!!”

My entire family, aunts, uncles, Grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there.

My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.

I told her that if she did not start behaving “right now”, she would be punished.

To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, “If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee-pee last night!”

The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery.
The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted,”Order! Order!”
The drunkard immediately responded, “Thank you, your honour, I’ll have a scotch and soda.”

Two ladies went through the custom check point after an oversea trip. Customer Officer found Lady A had seven branded panties in her luggage. When Lady A said the panties were not bought oveaseas, the Customer Officer asked: “Why do you need to bring seven panties on an oveasea trip?”

Lady A replied: “I do not do washing when I am abroad. Don’t you know that one week has seven days?” She was let go without having to pay tax. Customer Officer then opened the suitcase of Lady B and found twelve panties. When she insisted that she brought them from home, the Custom Officer asked: “Why do you need to bring twelve panties on an oversea trip?” The offended Lady B replied: “I also do not wash when I travel. Don’t you know that one year has twelve months?”

Sardar to Dr: when i sleep, monkeys play footbal in my dreams.

Dr.: no problem just take this medicine b4 sleep,

Sardar: kal se loonga, aaj raat final hai.

Sardar goes 2 a petrol pump sees a board ` don`t use Mobile here` Sardar picks his mobile,

calls evryone from his phone n says `DON`T CALL ME NOW`

Three men were chatting in the pub. The topic was on sports. The China Man from Taiwan said: “I have four daughters, one more I can form a basketball team.” The rich tycoon from Indonesia said: “I have five sons, one more I can have a volleyball team.” The third wealthy man from the Middle East has no children. After some hesitation, he said: “I have 17 wives, one more I can have a golf course.”