At a dinner party, the speaker who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver his speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word “KISS” scribbled on it.

A guest seated next to the speaker said, “Your wife has sent you a KISS before you begin your speech. She must love you very much.” speaker replied,
“You don’t know my wife. The letters stand for “Keep It Short, Stupid.”

A doctor and a sardar love the same girl. The sardar gives the girl an apple to eat everyday.

Once asked why the sardar gives her an apple, the sardar replied: “AN APPLE A DAY KEEPS THE DOCTOR AWAY!”

Do Pathan tree par beth kar gana gaa rahe thay, achanak eik pathan ulta latak kar gana shru hogaya!

Dosra pathan bolo: “Oye ulta latak kar kyu gaa rahey hoo?”

Pehla bola: “Mein ’side B’ gaa raha hun!!”

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.

The children fell to discussing the dog’s duties.

“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one youngster.

“No,” said another, “he’s just for good luck.”

Then a third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dog,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrant.”

Jon is working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, when he accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, “Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I’ll see what I can do.”

Jon says, “I haven’t got the fingers.”

The doctor says, “What do you mean, you haven’t got the fingers? It’s 2000. We’ve got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn’t you bring the fingers?”

Jon says, “Well, Doc, I couldn’t pick ‘em up.”

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. Baby stork is crying and crying, and father stork is trying to calm him, “Don’t worry, son. Your mother will come back. She’s only bringing people babies and making them happy.”

The next night, it’s father’s turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, son is crying, and mother is saying, “Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he’s bringing joy to new mommies and daddies.”

A few days later, the stork parents are desperate. Their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns, and the parents ask him where he’s been all night.

Says the baby stork, “Nowhere in particular. Just scaring the hell out of college students!”

Wife dreaming in the middle of the night suddenly shouts ,”Quick my husband is back!”
Man gets up and jumps out the window and realizes,”Damn, I’m the husband!”

Aadmi: Mein apko kal sey phone kar raha hoon aap phone kyun nahi utha rahey hain?

Pathan: Oye yeh jo 20 rupay ka gana lagwaya hai yeh tera baap sunay ga kia!!

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: “Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?” To which the farmer replied: “Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!”

A MBBS student to a sweeper: I’ve a degree and I’ve knowledge. What do you have.

Sweeper says proudly: A JOB!

Three Insurance salesmen were sitting in a restaurant boasting about each companies’ service.

The first one said, “When one of our insured died suddenly on Monday, we got the news that evening and were able to process the claim for the wife and mailed a check on Wednesday evening.”

The second one said, “When one of our insured died without warning on Monday, we learned of it in 2 hours and were able to hand-deliver a check the same evening.”

The last salesman said, “That’s nothing. Our office is on the 20th floor. One of our insured who was washing a window on the 85th floor, slipped and fell. We handed him his check as he passed our floor!”

A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient’s room. He found Patient #1 sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Patient #2 was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked patient number 1 what he was doing. The patient replied, “Can’t you see I’m sawing this piece of wood in half?” The doctor inquired of Patient #1 what Patient #2 was doing. Patient #1 replied, “Oh. He’s my friend, but he’s a little crazy. He thinks he’s a light bulb.” The doctor looks up and notices Patient #2’s face is going all red.

The doctor asks Patient #1, “If he’s your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself”

Patient #1 replies, “What? And work in the dark?”

I was checking every room, making sure no one is about.
I checked every floor, and found out that no one is in the building.
I pressed on the lift, and waited for the lift to reach the 84th floor.
The door opened, and I stepped inside.
It went down..
Down..
Down…..
And reached the 52th floor.
A gorgeous lady stepped in.
I was wondering why was a gorgeous blonde in a dark building at a time like this.
Then when the lift reached the 13th floor, everything went out.
I thought.. : ” Thirteen.. 13!! It’s the UNLUCKY number!”
A smell spreaded throughout the lift, a smell that spelled D-E-A-T-H.
I was shivering, and for one second I thought I peed on my pants.
The light came on and the blonde was looking at me and said…
” Sorry, I just farted.. “