Two ladies went through the custom check point after an oversea trip. Customer Officer found Lady A had seven branded panties in her luggage. When Lady A said the panties were not bought oveaseas, the Customer Officer asked: “Why do you need to bring seven panties on an oveasea trip?”

Lady A replied: “I do not do washing when I am abroad. Don’t you know that one week has seven days?” She was let go without having to pay tax. Customer Officer then opened the suitcase of Lady B and found twelve panties. When she insisted that she brought them from home, the Custom Officer asked: “Why do you need to bring twelve panties on an oversea trip?” The offended Lady B replied: “I also do not wash when I travel. Don’t you know that one year has twelve months?”

Teacher: Why are you late?

Student: Well.. err.. I broke my glasses!

Teacher: And how?

Student: Well.. umm.. I was kissing my girlfriend.

Teacher: How the hell can you break your glasses whilst kissing your girlfriend??

Student: Err.. Umm.. She closed her legs!!

A girl and a guy get married and the girl gets pregnant. So the doctor tells them not to have sex until the baby is delivered.

But the couple get very horny one night and start having sex. Suddenly the guys penis gets stuck in the gals vagina. They struggle a lot but he cant get it out. So they get over to the hospital and call for the doctor.

The doctor gives the girl a sweet and tells her to swallow it. She does so and suddenly his penis comes out. Afterwards she asks the doctor how he did it and he explains “When the baby saw the sweet, he left the banana.”

The baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

“Are you my doctor?” he asked. “Yes, I am,” said the doctor.
The baby said, “Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth.”
He looked at his mother and asked, “Are you my mother?”
“Yes, I am,” she said. “Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born,” he said. He then looked at his father and asked, “Are you my father?”
“Yes,I am,” his father answered. The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger seven times saying, “I want you to know THAT HURTS!”

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves…

“Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?” She said, “No.”

“Well”, he spoofed, “down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex and the workers are all picked according to hand size.

Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big ‘Finished Goods Crate’ and start the process all over again.”

And she didn’t laugh a bit!!!

Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed,

“I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms!”

A hippy walks into a Bar and Grill. The waiter comes up to him and asks him if he wants anything. So the Hippy says ‘Yeah a cheeseburger. Not too well done, not to rare, but right in the groove.’
So the waiter brings his burger and asks if he wants anything to drink. He says ‘A cup of tea. Not too hot, not too cold, but right in the Groove.’
The waiter’s kinda getting pissed now, but he brings the tea and kinda slams it on the table. Little while later the waiter comes back and asks the hippy if he wants any dessert. He says ‘Yeah some ice cream. Not too chocolate, not too vanilla, but right in the Groove.’
So the waiter says ‘Why dont you kiss my ass. Not the right cheek, not the left cheek, but right in the Groove!’

A guy on a date parks his car and gets the woman in the back seat. They make love, but the woman wants it again and the guy complies.

She wants more so they do it again, but she still wants more. Exhausted, the guy says, “Excuse me a minute, I have to relieve myself.”

While out of the car he notices a man half a block away changing a flat. He asks the man, “Look, I’ve got this gal in my car and I’ve given it to her our or five times and she still wants more. I’ll change your flat if you’ll take over for me.”

So the man agrees & gets into the car. He is just getting into “high-gear” when a cop knocks on the window and shines a light on them. The cop asks, “What are you doing in there?” The guy says, “I’m making love to my wife.”

The cop asks, “Why don’t you do that at home?”

The guy answers, “To tell you the truth, I didn’t know it was my wife until you shined the light on her.”

1 bunda hota hai oss ko gali daine ki adat hoti hai…
oss kay abba os ko boltay hain ager tum nay galiyaan daine chor dii tu main tum ko train dila ker doon ga wo 2 din tak galiyaan nahi daita jab os kay abba os ko train dila ker daitay hain wo her stop main ruk ker bolta hai jiss BHERWAY ko uter na hai wo uter jayee OR jiss GANDO ko cherna hai cher jayee…
os kay abba ko pata chalta hai oss kay abba oss say train lai latay hain wo bolta hai plzz plzz abba train dai doo ab main gali nahi doon ga oss ka abaa oss ko train daitay hai wo again her stop main ruk ker bolta hai jiss BHERWAY ko uter na hai wo uter jayee jiss GANDO ko cherna hai cher jayee WAISEY BHI 1 GANDO ki waga say train 2 ghanday lai ho guii hai ……..

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy.

One morning, the first friend says, “You know, we’re starting to get on each other’s nerves. Why don’t we split up today. I’ll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and spend the day. Then tonight, we’ll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire.”

The second friend agrees and hikes south. The first man hikes north.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his Joke. “Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?”

The second friend says, “I went south and ran across a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a beautiful young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks and we had sex in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp.”

“Wow!!” the first guy exclaimed, “Your day was MUCH better th

1 pakistani america jata hay, wo sochata hay k kuch ayashee he ker li jaye, seedha prostitute market jata hay, wahan pe 1 randi se poochata hay k tum kitna lo gi. Wo bolti hay $50, wo bolta hay k main tum ko $100 dun ga maigar karoon ga pakistani style se, wo nahi manti.

Wo agay jata hay tu 1 aur randi milti hay, uss se poochata hay tu wo bolti hay $100 tu wo bolta hay k main tum ko $200 dun ga magar karoon ga pakistani style se, wo bhi nahi manti.

Kuch aur agay jata hay tu 1 aur bitch milti hay uss se poochata hay k tumharey kia rates hay tu wo bolti hay $500. Wo uss ko $1,000 ki offer kerta hay tu wo mann he jati hay.. uss ko wo jab chodney k liye 1 kamrey main le jata hay, bahir wohi dono larkiyan khari hoti hain jinhon ney uss ki offer reject ker di thi, khair jab wo chod chad k chala jata hay tu wo 3sari wali prostitute galiyan deti hoyi kamrey se bahir nikalti hay.

2 larkiyan jo bahir khari hoti hain wo uss se poochati hay k, kia howa hamain batao kia tha wo pakistani style, 3sari wali bolti hay, “Pakistani style kia tha gandoo ney peechay wali mar di!”

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend.

“Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench. The little girl says, “Mummy what are they doing?” The mother hesitates then quickly replies, “Ummm they are making cakes.”

The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother what they are doing and her mother replies with the same response, making cakes.

The next day the girl says to her mother “Mummy, you and Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night.”

Shocked, the Mother says, “how do you know?”

The little girl replies, “I licked the icing off the sofa.”

A prostitute on her period decides to catch a client anyway. She thinks to herself, “I’ll find some drunk. He won’t even notice anything.”

She goes to the bar, finds a really drunk guy there, takes him to the nearest hotel and they spend the night together. The guy wakes up the next morning (the prostitute is already gone by then) and as he starts to get out of bed he sees that his hands are covered in blood. He starts running around the room, saying to himself in panic, “Oh my God! I killed her! I killed her!!!…”. As he runs to the bathroom he passes the mirror, stops, looks at himself for a second n then screams, “Oh my God!!! And I ate her too!!!….”.

A young married couple has difficulties conceiving a baby, so after a while the wife consults her doctor, who recommends the minor of three possible operations.

The operation is performed, but a month later, she’s still not pregnant, so she goes to see the doctor again. This time he recommends the medium operation, a somewhat more serious operation, but still not as complicated as the third alternative. But, there’s still no result, and another month later she’s back in the doctors office, and this time she gets the big one.

After having recovered in some weeks, the couple resumes normal marital activities, and this time they actually succeed in conceiving a baby.

Filled with joy, the young wife now sees the doctor for the regular examination during pregnancy and says, “We’re so happy doctor, we’re finally having a baby. But what was this third operation actually all about? The first two weren’t that bad, but this last one I think must have been quite a job, I was dizzy for weeks after.”

“Well,” the doctor replies, “since the first two standard operations failed, we started suspecting your method rather than your ability, so I made a connection from your throat to your uterus.”

This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.

The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”

The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?”

The lady frowned. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.

“Well,” the doctor continued, “Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”

The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly.

Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.

“How did it go?” the doctor asked.

“Terrible, doctor, terrible.”

“Did it not work?”

“Yes,” the old lady said, “It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”

“Then what is the problem, ma’am?”

“Well,” she said. “I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.”