Two animal rights protesters were protesting at the cruelty of sending bulls to a slaughterhouse in Bonn. Suddenly the bulls, all two thousand of them, escaped through a broken fence and stampeded, trampling the two helpless protesters to death.

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”

“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. “I just need one copy.”

A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week.” The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week.”

The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” “Excuse me sir,” the receptionist says, “but this is third time I’ve had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?” The guy replies, “Because I love hearing it!”

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked Billy. “No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.

A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him.

He takes a bite out of it, and notices there’s a small hair in the hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress, “Waitress, there’s a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see what is going on!”

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his demise, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it under his arm pit. He says, “That’s disgusting!”

Then the waitress says, “You think that’s disgusting you should see him make donuts.”

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.
He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
The man said, "Yeah, I’ve come to activate your phone lines."

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.

The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are
three, I will allow one wish each"
So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff. and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be In Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff. and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after
lunch at 12.35pm."

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I’ll help you overturn the wagon." "That’s very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don’t think Dad would like me to." "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won’t like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad’s going to be real upset." "Don’t be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied Willis.

I stopped at a fast food restaurant recently. I was fascinated by a sign which offered fat free french fries. I decided to give them a try. I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a basket of fries from the fryer which were dripping with fat.
I said. ‘Those aren’t fat free." Yes, they are. We only charge for the potatoes.
The fat is free!"

I’ve just got some awful news.

A friend of mine is in danger of losing his license to practice medicine. He’s being accused of having sex with some of his patients.

It’s such a stupid waste! He was the best veterinarian in town.

Once there was this doctor that moved out to the country to become a farmer. He said to himself, "Well, since I’m going to have a farm, I’d might as well have animals on it." So the doctor got in his truck to go looking.

Along the way, he spotted a sign saying, "Cocks 4 Sale." He pulled over and asked the farmer what a cock was. "A cock is a rooster," the farmer replied. So the doctor bought a cock and put it in the back of his truck.

The doctor continued on his way until he saw a sign saying, "Pullets 4 Sale." The doctor pulled over and asked the farmer what a pullet was. "A pullet is a hen," the farmer replied. "But sometimes a cock and pullet will fight, so watch out." So the doctor thanked the farmer and went on his merry way. Down the road a bit, there was another sign saying, "Asses 4 Sale."

So the doctor pulled over again to ask. "An ass is a donkey," the farmer repied. "But watch out because this donkey is different. If he gets scared, he’ll sit down and won’t move until you scratch his belly."

The doctor thanked this farmer and turned around to head home. Well, in the road was a broken bottle and the doctor’s truck ran over it. Pop!!!! The sound made the cock and pullet started to fight and the donkey sat on the spare tire.

A lady just happened to be passing by and asked if the doctor needed help. The doctor, wanting to sound like a professional farmer, replied, "Yes, I need help.

Will you please hold my cock and pullet while I scratch my ass???"

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese detective, Mee Lookee Yu, to watch and report any activities that might develop. A few days later he received this report:

Most honorable sir:
You leave house.
He come house.
I watch.
He and she leave house.
I follow.
He and she get on train.
I follow.
He and she go in hotel.
I climb tree-look in window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall out of tree, not see.

NO FEE.

A wealthy couple had plans to go to an evening ball. So they advised their butler that they were giving him the have evening off to do as he pleasd since they would be out until quite late.

The couple went to a ball and dinner. After an hour an a half, the wife told her husband that she was horrible bored and that she preferred to go home and finish some work for the next stay.

The husband responded that he had to stay for a few more hours to meet some very important people who were his new business partners.

So the wife went home alone and found the the butler spread out on the couch watching TV.

She slowly moved towards him and sat down very seductively. She then told him to come closer. Then even closer.

She moved forward and whispered in his ear "Take off my dress…".

"Now take off my bra.

"Next remove my shoes and stockings."

"Now remove my garter belt and panties"

She then looked deep into his eyes and in a sharp voice shouted "The next time I catch you wearing my clothes, you’re fired".